Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Nobody Here But Us Whiners

So I'm sitting here pondering something profound to write about and all I get is that sound like when they're doing a test of the emergency broadcast system in the middle of your favorite television show.


This is a test of your sanity after weeks of fertility drugs and fifty transvaginal ultrasounds.


Really.  All I hear in my head is a whole lot of high pitched nothin'.

I think it's because I feel stuck.  When I am anticipating something big I have the bad habit of finding my feet glued to the ground and my one track mind stuck in nuetral.

I'm trying to pray through it.  Over and over again saying "Your will not my own"  sometimes more fervently because I find I'm having to talk over myself.  Here I am hoping God hears my obedience and faithfulness and really what I want Him to hear is make me pregnant pretty please with a cherry on top! 

Do I know how to put God in a box or what?  Someone give this girl a prize!!

I wonder if God leans over to Jesus and says poor, poor dear.  Look how hard she tries not to be manipulative in prayerIt's almost cute in a way, but really, when will she learn...

The thing is, is that it's not the end of the world if it didn't work this time.  We'll have to wait until Husband returns home at the end of the year to try again but other than that this is definitely not the end. I'm still young right?

Speaking of Husband.

It's been almost a month since he's left and we can finally start counting down his return home.  He sounds a bit sad when I talk to him.  Overwhelmed with an underwhelming job and a boss who doesn't listen.  He pours himself into work so he doesn't have to think about missing home and I can hear it in his voice every time he calls that he wishes he were here instead of there.

You'd think that would be the natural reaction but my husband loves being in the Navy.  He loves knowing that he's where God needs him to be and loves being a part of something bigger than himself.  Last year when he deployed he felt a huge sense of accomplishment-really proud of the job him and his team were doing to catch the bad guys.  Now? Not so much.  

So it looks like we're both stuck.

In a rut.


Brazenlilly said...

Gosh, I think we can all relate to the feeling of being in a rut--even if we're not doing fertility treatments or serving our country! Praying that you find some joy to pull you through!

Mireille said...

Oh April, I feel for you. I know this feeling of being in limbo as I call it. Chock Dee! I hope you come out of it soon!!

a Tonggu Momma said...

Oh, how I understand that rut... four years waiting for a China referral will do that to ya. I hope the sun shines brightly for you tomorrow and you feel God's presence in a big way this week. (((hugs)))

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