Sunday, December 28, 2008

Are You Still My Mommy?

This is what Prim asked me a few days ago. It was night time. The bedtime routines were done, teeth brushed, books read. I was tucking her in after saying our prayers and she asked me "Mommy, are you still my Mommy?". What a big question for such a little girl. I replied that yes, of course, I was her Mommy forever and ever. And then she said "Daddy my Daddy?". Yes, honey. Daddy will always be your Daddy.
This was a poignant moment for me and I realize that her question comes at an emotional time for our family. With H one week away from deploying to Iraq we are all reaffirming our position in the family and Prim is no exception. She can feel the change coming. The past few weeks have been busy and stressful. I admit as only a mother can, that I feel guilty for the amount of time I have had to leave her or ask her to play on her own. Her anxiety, as always, comes out at night. Bedtime becomes a battle ground, we go back to basics and start all over again. She tests, she pushes, she demands and yet some how in all of this she matures, she learns and our love for her grows stronger.
I am convinced my little girl is an old soul. She has wisdom beyond her years and the changes that we often take in stride leave her wandering and aimless. We know now to grab hold of her and keep her tight. That to get her over these hurdles we stand firm and do not let the circumstances of the beginning of her life sway our choices in raising her.
I know that this question will be the first of many to come and it makes me smile. My daughter is not one to take life lightly and I know that she will want to know it all. It is indicative of her spirit and I love that about her.
I hope one day, when she is an adult and begins a family of her own, that she has never doubted that I was a mother to her in every way. That there are moments when I feel suddenly jarred by the realization that she did not come from me.
These next six months will be difficult for her and G. She will wonder why Daddy isn't home yet and will ask every day where he is. G will be sad and when the weeks start to tick by I think it is then that he will finally understand the length of his absence. Someone told me once that every trial and challenge is an opportunity for growth. I hold that close to my heart and know that although this is difficult for us all, we will grow in faith and love. To my husband I say I am proud of you. We sacrifice together but in very different ways-all for the sake of a country we love. It may not be easy but what ever is? Like I always tell G, just because it's difficult doesn't mean it's not worth fighting for.
To all of my girlfriends whose husbands are deployed, may God bless you and keep you and may they come home safe. We are all still Mommies and Daddies are still Daddies, no matter where we are in the world...

Friday, December 05, 2008

How Do You Say Goodbye After Just Saying Hello?

Dearest Prim,
How do I explain to you that daddy is leaving soon? What do I say to help you understand that it won't be forever but at times it may seem like it. In just a few weeks daddy will leave for Iraq. After only saying our first hello seventeen months ago we will have to say goodbye. You've had so many goodbyes-too many for such a little girl. How will you handle another disruption....someone else who leaves your life unexpectedly. My heart aches for you and your brother. It took such a long time to finally give your heart to this man who replaced one that you had already loved as your own. Now he leaves and every morning when you ask me where daddy is-just like you always do-I will have to explain all over again that daddy is at work and won't be coming home for a while.
My precious babies I hope you will understand that our sacrifice allows daddy to serve our country. That we are all a part of something bigger than ourselves and that our strength will come from God and our love for each other. We love you so very much. We know that this will be difficult but we also know that God will not give us what we can't handle. One day I hope you see that distance can never separate love and that joy can be found in sadness. We are a family forever.

Romans 8:38-9 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[m] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Related Posts with Thumbnails