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Have You Lost Your Mind?
This is a common, almost redundant phrase in our house touted by
So when my kids hear me say have you lost your mind?! they know they have done something extraordinary-and I don't mean in a good way. I mean the sneeze, look right at me while you wipe the huge booger off your face and then eat it while smiling kind of lost their minds.
For example, I was at the mall with a friend of mine and well into our marathon of shopping she says to me "umm...A....Prim isn't wearing any panties...." How did she know that? Because a certain little girl was wearing a dress and had her legs from here to there and girl parts were all over the place. I was mortified and when I asked her Prim, have you lost your mind? WHERE are your panties? she responded What? I didn't feel like wearing panties today mommy! Cue big adorable innocent smile and a bit of eyelash batting thrown in for good measure.
Like Ricky Ricardo always said "AYI-YI!"
I know our children make mistakes and, yes, some are bigger than others. Many, in fact, seem to come from a planet I like to call Crazy but relatively speaking they are acting as they should. Like kids.
But I have to remember, too, that there are times-like in that moment when I came within kissing distance of a wall fan- that our dysregulated children can have moments when they do in a sense 'lose their minds'. It's not purposeful and it's definitely not always controllable. It is a moment driven purely by chemistry and instinct, not logic and reason.
In that moment of crying, screaming and feet stomping, when I wish that life has a mute button and I'd give anything to hear nails on a chalkboard over my daughter's tantruming, I have to check myself.
Self?
Yes?
Check 1. 2. 3
(breathing)
....sometimes more breathing.....
Remind myself how we got here because it's certainly not about asking her to put on sneakers instead of flip flops. Attachment, separation, attachment, separation, attachment.
What I love after the initial chaos is being a part of the process. The calming, the breathing, reconciliation, the hugs. Watching her come from a place of fear and of being completely lost in the moment to waking up to the reality that I'm still there.
She did not push me away. I am still loving her and will hold her in my arms. She loses her mind but I help her find it and those are the times when I know that, oh yeah, this is pretty awesome.
4 comments:
Ha! Ha! Ha! Pick me up off the floor with this one. I'm sorry, but the "booger" scenario happens to me so often (some child eating the booger, not me, of course) that I nearly wet my pants when I read this! And the lack of panties while wearing a dress? Been there, too (again, one of my girls, NOT me!). Thanks for giving me one heck of a laugh on what has otherwise been a majorly stressful day!
I aim to please Ms. Wendy :)
I almost DIED when Gabe did the booger thing-I mean-I was pretty close to throwing up in my mouth.
I'm sorry your day was so stressful. Just keep chanting this: "the school year is almost done, the school year is almost done"
I am so with you here. It's amazing both how fast T can get dysregulated, and how well scooping him up and holding him helps. I often feel like the weirdo at playgroup, sometimes needing to hold him several times in one morning, but I *know* it's helping him. I can see it, feel it. He knows it too. Sometimes in the midst of the breakdown, I can make out a sad wimpering "Snuggle me, Mama". It breaks my heart, but I hope that one day all of these snuggles will sink in and he won't need them anymore.
Robin,
What a great mom you are to recognize his dyregulation and be there for him in a way that many people do not understand. Others see temper tantrumming where we see fear and a whole lotta other stuff behind those big tears. Thanks for sharing.
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