Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Have You Lost Your Mind?

This is a common, almost redundant phrase in our house touted by mean mommy.  I can't remember exactly when I started saying it but I believe it happened right around the time our darling daughter ripped the fan from her bedroom wall and hurled it at me over a baby gate.  I remember looking at her and thinking in all seriousness that she had, indeed, lost her little mind.  And *wow* freakishly strong.

So when my kids hear me say have you lost your mind?! they know they have done something extraordinary-and I don't mean in a good way.  I mean the sneeze, look right at me while you wipe the huge booger off your face and then eat it while smiling kind of lost their minds.

For example, I was at the mall with a friend of mine and well into our marathon of shopping she says to me "umm...A....Prim isn't wearing any panties...."  How did she know that? Because a certain little girl was wearing a dress and had her legs from here to there and girl parts were all over the place.  I was mortified and when I asked her  Prim, have you lost your mind? WHERE are your panties?  she responded What? I didn't feel like wearing panties today mommy! Cue big adorable innocent smile and a bit of eyelash batting thrown in for good measure.

Like Ricky Ricardo always said "AYI-YI!"

I know our children make mistakes and, yes, some are bigger than others. Many, in fact, seem to come from a planet I like to call Crazy but relatively speaking they are acting as they should. Like kids.

But I have to remember, too, that there are times-like in that moment when I came within kissing distance of a wall fan- that our dysregulated children can have moments when they do in a sense 'lose their minds'.  It's not purposeful and it's definitely not always controllable. It is a moment driven purely by chemistry and instinct, not logic and reason.

In that moment of crying, screaming and feet stomping, when I wish that life has a mute button and I'd give anything to hear nails on a chalkboard over my daughter's tantruming, I have to check myself.



Check 1. 2. 3


....sometimes more breathing.....

Remind myself how we got here because it's certainly not about asking her to put on sneakers instead of flip flops.  Attachment, separation, attachment, separation, attachment. 

What I love after the initial chaos is being a part of the process.  The calming, the breathing, reconciliation, the hugs.  Watching her come from a place of fear and of being completely lost in the moment to waking up to the reality that I'm still there.

She did not push me away.  I am still loving her and will hold her in my arms.  She loses her mind but I help her find it and those are the times when I know that, oh yeah, this is pretty awesome.


Wendy said...

Ha! Ha! Ha! Pick me up off the floor with this one. I'm sorry, but the "booger" scenario happens to me so often (some child eating the booger, not me, of course) that I nearly wet my pants when I read this! And the lack of panties while wearing a dress? Been there, too (again, one of my girls, NOT me!). Thanks for giving me one heck of a laugh on what has otherwise been a majorly stressful day!

April said...

I aim to please Ms. Wendy :)

I almost DIED when Gabe did the booger thing-I mean-I was pretty close to throwing up in my mouth.

I'm sorry your day was so stressful. Just keep chanting this: "the school year is almost done, the school year is almost done"

Robin and Kyle said...

I am so with you here. It's amazing both how fast T can get dysregulated, and how well scooping him up and holding him helps. I often feel like the weirdo at playgroup, sometimes needing to hold him several times in one morning, but I *know* it's helping him. I can see it, feel it. He knows it too. Sometimes in the midst of the breakdown, I can make out a sad wimpering "Snuggle me, Mama". It breaks my heart, but I hope that one day all of these snuggles will sink in and he won't need them anymore.

April said...

What a great mom you are to recognize his dyregulation and be there for him in a way that many people do not understand. Others see temper tantrumming where we see fear and a whole lotta other stuff behind those big tears. Thanks for sharing.

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