Tuesday, February 02, 2010

The Silent Epidemic

Infertility: Secondary, primary, unexplained, polycystic ovarian syndrome, endometriosis, male sperm factor, luteal phase defect, fibroids, hypothyroidism, fallopian tube damage, ovulation disorders, infection, caffeine, weight gain.....

I have often wondered why my body does not perform as God intended. Call me old-fashioned, but I feel honored to have been born a woman. My body can create (with a little help that is), carry and birth another human being. My curves were designed to adjust to a growing baby, feed a hungry infant and carry a toddler on my hip. When I married at twenty-one and began trying in earnest to conceive a year later, I thought; this is going to be easy. I mean, have you seen the women in my family? Getting pregnant was NOT our collective weakness.

Unfortunately, time dragged on and months turned into years. The frustration, the bitterness, the uncertainty felt unbearable at times. I would plead, beg and barter with God on my knees daily. Once a month I would find myself crying angry, frustrated tears. I was infuriated. Furious at God for being so quiet. Angry at myself for not being a size six in perfect health. Every time I turned around I saw the beautiful bump of a pregnant woman and I felt sucker-punched.

At twenty-five, after tests, procedures and more tests, we underwent our first intra-uterine insemination. It was a Sunday morning at 9am, in a doctor's office with my husband, a nurse practitioner and an ultra sound machine where we conceived G. I had finally resigned myself to God's mercy and timing and it was then that I became pregnant. I put my trust in Him, not knowing if it would work, not knowing if it would take one month, one year or ever. Today I can see that God's desire was to work on me during my wait. To mold my faith and strengthen my heart because life is not always what we hope it to be. Now I am thankful that in those moments of sorrow and pain I still found my face turned upward. I was crying, but it was still to the God of Creation. It would have been so easy to walk away and to blame Him for the loss of my heart's desire.

I read a statistic recently that one in six couples face the challenges and heartache of infertility. How is it that every year hundreds of thousands of women are unable to conceive naturally? Is is pollution, chemicals in our water, pesticides in our food? Are women starting families too late because of the (understandable) desire for a career? Is premarital sex making our girls more prone to infection that damage delicate reproductive organs? No matter the reason, it is astounding to comprehend the growing generation of children born to the modern miracles of assisted reproduction.

When G was eighteen months we tried for a second baby and failed. Although I felt sadness, I had peace that it wasn't the right time for us. One year later we were in the beginning stages of adopting our little girl and I have never regretted not getting pregnant again at that time. I have often told people that the first day we had Prim to ourselves in Thailand, I looked at her and G together and felt like someone was missing. After two and half years of Prim being home and much prayer and consideration, we are moving forward. Tomorrow is my first appointment with the reproductive endocrinologist.

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.” Psalm 91:1-2

1 comment:

Alena said...

I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don't know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.



Related Posts with Thumbnails