Monday, July 23, 2007

Enough Tears to Fill a River

This morning started off well after having another good but broken night of sleep. It seems like we all fall asleep early but then are awake by 3am only to fall back asleep and wake up around 8am. I don't think it's half bad, we are still getting alot of sleep. The hotel beds are not super comfortable but we are too tired to care which makes them perfect. I love the hotel. The Amari is quite nice with great food and wonderful service. They couldn't be more accomodating and everyone seems to know why we are here. The Thai people in general are terrific and couldn't be nicer or more generous. The "wai" that is done in greeting or thanks is humbling to me. Especially because the very act of bowing or lowering oneself (in body position) reminds me of how infrequently I lower myself enough in prayer. Yesterday when we left the foster family they expressed their thanks for gifts and our visit with a very deep wai and all I could think of is how it should have been reversed. They have done so much for Prim and our family. We thanked them with gifts and with our words of gratitude, but the respect that they showed us felt almost undeserving. I will carry that moment in my heart forever.

Today we met Pat and the other social worker (I can't pronounce her name to save my life so I will refer to her as "Favorite" for now) around 10:30am, after breakfast. Let me digress a moment for all of my Holt ladies. At breakfast we caught up with Alyssa and Tim whom we had met on Sunday. Chayana is still in the hospital but they have been to see her and from what they have said she seems to be doing a bit better. I'm not sure of too many details so I won't overstep and post anymore about that. I would just ask that you keep the Frahm family and Chayana in your prayers as they try to work out the details of her hospital stay and eventual release to bring her home.
We also met Becky & Dave (yeah!) and another family from Norway. Both families had traveled south to pick up their children a week ago and are now back in Bangkok for the board meeting Wednesday. They are so nice and the children are just adorable. I can't tell you how comforting it is to be traveling with other families who are sharing the same experience. Even though we haven't spent much time together and have been very busy it is nice to have the comraderie.
Anyway, back to our morning. We met Pat and Favorite in the lobby and as soon as Prim took one look at us the tears started. They immediately handed her to me and we started off for the department store for some shopping. When we got to the mall I had H help me and put Prim in the carrier b/c she was trying so desperately to get away from me I was afraid I would drop her. We spent the next hour walking around but really it's all a blur. Prim screamed at the top of her lungs the entire time and worked up a pretty good sweat trying to bust out of the Ergo. A plus to Ergo for a sturdy carrier;) It was very difficult for her and a few times she gagged from crying so hard. Pat and Favorite were just incredible, walking beside us holding her hand but telling her that Mommy had to carry her and that they were holding other things. Prim was calling each of their names and trying any way to have them take her. I have to say that girl is smart as a whip. Pat can't believe how verbal she is and says that her vocabulary is pretty extensive for her age. I think having older foster siblings has helped in that area. G did great and liked looking at the toys. He doesn't seem a bit purturbed by her crying and has taken it in stride. He tries to calm her by rubbing her legs or arm but she pushes him away. So far she doesn't want anything to do with him and even though he is a little kid he is part of our family and she wasn't having any part of it.
We went to lunch in the department store and Favorite took her and put her on her lap and Prim calmed down after a few minutes. She ate some rice and chicken and looked at a book that I got her only when I wasn't paying attention. You can see from the picture that she is crying but that was only after I started rubbing her leg and said hello. I love how her bottom lip shakes, H and I said that she can give Angelina Jolie a run for her money in the pouty lip department!!
After lunch we came back to the hotel. Pat and Favorite left us on our own and we took Prim to our room. She cried for about an hour before falling into an exhausted sleep. She wimpered and cried off an on in her sleep but I was happy that she had finally taken some of her bottle and was getting some rest.
When it was time to meet Pat and Favorite in the lobby, I took her downstairs. She woke up and cried softly but stopped when we left the room. I think she was a bit dazed. Hung stood at the doorway and waved goodbye and I said "bye bye Daddy" and she waved to him and blew him a kiss all on her own. You should have seen the smile on my husband's face. Pure Daddy joy!!
I was encouraged that when Prim saw Pat she didn't cry. She actually seemed a bit confused to me but after a minute she held out her arms for Favorite. They got her to give me a kiss on the cheek, I kissed her back with a loud smooch and she ALMOST smiled back!! Definitely a highlight of the day. I watched them walk away and I saw her turn around to look for me and when she saw me she stared until I was out of sight.
Tomorrow we become a family forever. They will drop her off at 10:30am and she is ours for the keeping. I can't wait.


Anonymous said...

April, now I have even more tears! You have brought back SO many memories for me, that I'm crying for you guys and Prim; and for me and my old memories too!!
Coffee in hand, first thing I have done this morning is read your blog!
Remember this is all just for now...I say give her by the end of tomorrow or the day after and you will see a HUGE improvement, she won't be letting you, H or G out of her sight. This crying is a temporary part of her transition, IMO, it is a 'good' thing. I know how incredibly stressful it can be, when you see your little one breaking their heart from fear or grief, you want to fix it, but then there is the added pressure of 'being watched', in a good way, but it can be hard to relax. You are doing awesome, I Just know it!! A few more days and we will be seeing those BIG smiley pictures (from all three of you!)
Once again Prim is Gorgeous! Her eyes just reel you in, she has such an expressive little face, and is beyond cute!!
G is amazing! What a wonderful Son you have! He looks so patient and calm, and you must be so proud of how he is just going with the flow of this huge transition in his life too!
I am Proud of all of you!!
You continue to be in our thoughts and prayers, by tomorrows 'installment', Prim will be yours FOREVER!! Makes me cry with joy again!
Thank you so much for taking the time, after such an emotional and exhausting day, to write in your blog and share your journey with us. It is very gracious and I know, I feel very blessed and honored to be able to share this with you.
Thank you!!!!!
Well, Here's to tomorrow! (Remember: Breathe, relax, stretch and Enjoy! Enjoy! Enjoy! The moment!!)

Love and Hugs,


Anonymous said...

There are no words....just tears. God is awesome, everyday I am amazed. Our hearts are over-joyed for your new family of 4. She is absolutely beautiful.
Love, Hugs, Praising the Lord for your family! -Criders

Anonymous said...

I'm also adopting from Holt and waiting for referal of a little girl so I have been following your blog so intently - I pray she does great tomorrow and that GOD places in her heart the reasurrance tonight the fact that you are Mommy and Daddy and brother forever and she needs not worry.

She is adorable!!

Wendy said...

"Favorite" is Kritsana, I'm sure! She is a sweetie. It's pronounced just like it's spelled. She was Lily's social worker and would take Lily when she was inconsolable.

Everything you write brings back such amazing memories!

Anonymous said...


Prim could not be any cuter!! I love the picture of you holding her in the store, you look so natural. I've been thinking about you guys a lot. I'm so glad it's all going so well, even though she's exercised her lungs a lot!! I can't wait to meet her in person, and see her running around the tennis courts! Enjoy the rest of your stay with your new, complete family!!


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