Soccer Star & Biker Boy

Growing Together

It's been a while since my last post and I have so much to talk about. First, if you have emailed me asked how things are going and I haven't gotten back to you-please forgive me!! My email time these days is down to about ten minutes if I'm lucky. Thanks to everyone who continually check up on us to see how things are going.
And how are things? you may ask...I would say on a scale of 1 to 10 they are about a 7. After less than two months home I consider that a huge victory. Our night times still leave us scratching our heads. Maybe one night out of ten Prim sleeps quietly and soundly and then the rest of the time she is waking often with night terrors or wanting to be held. It's par for the course but we hope that she finds some peace soon. There are days when you can really tell the interrupted sleep gets to her and she is cranky and ornery.
Prim is really a social butterfly. We have not allowed anyone else to hold her-not even once-but she would probably welcome it. She loves people and to be around a group of people does not bother her one bit. She loves the activity and commotion and really makes herself at home where ever she goes. She is a whirlwind of activity and motion and most times I find myself spinning in circles to keep up with her.
Her and G are getting along much better and trying to find some common ground. He is being much more loving and helpful towards her and has really changed in his attitude. Not to say that it is all roses but the improvement has changed the energy in the house and H and I are extremely thankful for that!
There are some things that H and I still can't figure out and we are actively seeking an attachment therapist in our area. I think one of the hindrances of the adoption process is really not knowing your child from their early developmental stages. Sometimes Prim is very whiny and wants to be held at the worst times (she must have radar b/c she always wants to be held when I'm in the kitchen over a hot stove). I know you're probably thinking "ah, duh, you just brought her home!!" but sometimes I wonder if this is just her personality? We don't know. She can be manipulative just like any toddler but we always have to ask ourselves is this b/c of the transition or is it just a part of the process? Sometimes it feels like a disadvantage b/c with G we could say he's going through a phase or that's just the way he is right now. With Prim we're scratching our heads worrying if it's attachment issues or she's just being an almost two year old. Do you know how utterly guilty I feel when I have to tell her "honey, mommy can't hold you right now I'm cooking dinner" and she just cries and cries. It's really awful and I'm convinced she'll be telling this this to her therapist one day.....
G has learned to ride a two wheel bike so our family is in a new phase of out door enjoyment. We've all gotten bikes and are borrowing a trailer from a friend and I can't tell you how fun it is to go for family bike rides. We all look forward to them and it's so great to have one more thing we can do together. Prim loves to go in the bike trailer and there is nothing cuter than hearing her go "bonk, bonk, bonk" every time we go over a bump. She is really so adorable and sometimes we look at her and just laugh at her precocious nature!
My hubby is waiting for me to watch a movie so I must sign off. More coming this week hopefully...ta ta for now.

What Do You Do When...

...your almost five year old pees his pants three times in one week. G has never had accidents once he was fully potty trained. In fact, he's been potty trained since he was 2 1/2 almost 3 so it's hard to remember him in diapers. He doesn't seem very remorseful and not very embarrassed. I honestly think it's for attention and that both makes me mad and very sad altogether. Now is the time when I feel like I should rattle off my laundry list of complaints for the past month and how difficult things have been at times as we are adjusting. But then I remember how tonight I was able to spend almost an hour with G at bedtime reading him stories from the new Beatrix Potter book my in-laws sent and how I told him funny stories about when he was in my tummy. He laughed and laughed when I told him how he would get the hiccups almost every single day, sometimes two or three times a day, or how he was a good sleeper even before we met. His eyes became as big as saucers when I told him that I used to ask him (while he was in my belly) to give me one kick for this (cake) or two kicks for that (ice cream) or how I knew exactly where his bum was right before he was born and would rub that spot and sing him songs.
And then he told me, "Mommy, I'm so happy that we are a family" and I realize that there is nothing at all to complain about. The regressing will stop in time, the nights will get better and eventually their friendship will not be one sided.

Pictures

Some pics of our visit with my cousin and his family!

Sleep Deprivation

I can't believe it's been nine days since my last post. The days are flying by and are blurred together. Sleeplessness is the title of this new chapter in our lives as Prim is having night terrors (I'm almost positive)and I am having insomnia. Most nights I am down to two hours of sleep and maybe an hour nap during the day. Prim is doing great during the day, she is full of mischief and mayhem, looking for snacks to eat in the cupboard or flushing the toilet to her hearts content b/f mommy shows up to scold her with a firm "NO" and a tsk, tsk of my finger. I don't think I've said 'no' so many times in my life. This certainly was not how it went with G, but little miss finds herself in precarious situations and no amount of explaining is going to make her understand English any better so No will have to do for now.
It is only at night that she has such a hard time. The first few hours of sleep are peaceful but shortly after midnight it is quickly downhill and she is fitful and crying until the early hours of the morning. I'm not sure what to do. H and I spend most of the day trying to come up with a solution but this is new territory and we are at a loss. How can this little girl be so secure and happy during the day be so miserable at night? The miracle is that she wakes up with a huge smile on her face and is so happy to kiss good morning and start her day. Oblivious to her hours of sobbing or crying out.
I can only pray that in time she will find peace and that her nights will be filled with sweet dreams and deep slumber. I am off to try and sleep myself. Maybe tonight will be the night my head hits the pillow and I fall asleep. If not, Harry Potter and I are about to become acquainted.

All About Grace

Everything is about the kids. Every moment is spent playing, teaching, keeping the peace between our two little ones. I feel like I'm back to the infancy stage of having a child. Every moment new and all encompassing. Quckly the things that I loved for myself have fallen off of my independent radar. Tennis, reading, singing at church. All of these things take away moments of physical touch and immediate attention to Prim so slowly they are added to a list of things I will do again once she is more adjusted. At first I felt a bit resistant to giving up these things temporarily. After all, I've only had one child for so long and had finally gotten into a routine that was comfortable for me. G was in preschool and I had all of the time in the world to play tennis, run errands and do things that I enjoyed for myself. I had finally found the "me" in motherhood and I loved it.
It has been hard letting go these past few weeks. At first I felt like I let myself down by not being able to keep the same schedule. That I had allowed my time to be dictated beyond the needs of the individual I had become after moving here. I could finally define myself in words other than wife, mother.....
It took a friend saying to me, "you only have this time once in their life and you have all of those other things to start again forever" for me to finally relax. I don't know why it wasn't ok for me to say that on my own. That it took permission from someone else for me to breathe and not feel guilty. I think it was God's way of shifting my focus once again. It's so easy to get off track, even with the change that we've had in our family. Instead of grasping for the way things were, I should have been holding on to this precious gift in those first few weeks with gratitude.
Now I'm ready. Thank you Lord for these two children that make me a better person. Amen.

Pool Dayz

Here are some pics of our water baby. She has no fear-it's so great!

Fresh Air & Fun

A great nights sleep and a trip to Toys R Us. Can't ask for more than that! The kids had a great time playing out back and G showed his little sister his awesome cart wheels!

Contemplating the Cone

I'm happy to report that last night Prim slept through the night without crying!! I hope that it's the beginning of a more comfortable period in her transition but realistically I know it may go back and forth for some time. After much needed help my friend Sarah was kind enough to come over and reassemble our baby crib to make it higher and take the front off. I wanted it to be like a co-sleeper and place it on my side of the bed so she was still next to me but not technically in bed with us. She was starting to lay her head on H's pillow and refuse to move in her own silent protest of him being in bed with us (or at least that's what I understood when she looked at me in that tone of voice). Since I'm a very light sleeper I've been having a hard time sleeping even when she is in a deep sleep so this is my solution.
Of course she objected initially when I showed her "Prim's bed!!" with all the excitement of a sweepstakes winner. She shook her head no (she is so very good at that) and laid her head on H's pillow. I asked her if she wanted milk and held up the bottle for her to see and said "mmmm...yummy". She smiled and shook her head 'yes' saying milk and reaching for it and I pointed to her bed and shrugged my shoulders. I know my daughter is only 21 months old but she is already under instruction to master the art of negotiation. She didn't even hesitate and crawled right into the crib, I gave her the bottle, stroked her arm and that was it. Mommy 1 Toddler 0.
G was better today although most of his waking moments were spent tattling on his little sister. Of course he didn't say a word when she stuck the magnetic's silver ball in her mouth for a taste test. H had to pry it out while scolding her and saying "no mouth!!". All I heard was wailing and when she thought she would get simpathy from me I told her "no mouth" and she promptly threw herself on the bed face down and refused to look at anyone. I wondered how long it would take for her to be flat on her face on a pillow before she needed air and was about to set my timer when she popped up, gave us a dirty look and was on her way to accepting us into her good graces again. Is this what they mean by girls are so different than boys?

Our First Week Home

Today is officially the end of our first week home from Thailand. It's unbelievable that we have been there and back and put it behind us. After all of the worrying, all of the preparing and excitement, it came and went and life-as always-goes on. I think after some weeks have passed I will really take the time to sit and reflect on what we've all been through. I will think more about our time in Thailand and with Prim's foster family. I will reflect a bit more on our first few days with our new daughter and most likely begin to compare her beginnings with her growing.
For now, however, we are just trying to get through the day. H is so busy with school, putting in late nights to study and long days to finish make up quizzes, labs and tests. I am trying to stay sane with two children who desperately need my undivided attention, all the while trying to find the small miracles in our time together.
G had a good day today. Very little acting out and a better attitude all around toward his sister. He left us for a while to have a play date and I took advantage of the time and took Prim shopping for a new stroller. It was guilt fully joyful to have her to myself, and I loved making her smile as we strolled up and down the aisles of Target.
When we returned home and picked up G, the smile on his face and my renewed energy put us both on better footing and the rest of our day went smoothly.
Nap time came and both of the kids went down without a fuss and Prim woke once crying only to fall asleep a few minutes later. Her nights are very difficult and last night was very long for the both of us. My neighbor who adopted an older child from Russia wondered if she is experiencing night terrors as a result of the stress. G has never experienced night terrors and has only had two bad dreams that I can think of in his 4 1/2 years so I may need to do some reading. I do know that when she cries at night it comes on very suddenly, she seems to still be sleeping and she reaches out with her hands while calling out for "mom" in Thai. There are times when I can not calm her and she will stop as suddenly as she's started. Maybe it's night terrors, maybe it's grieving. I think it's just too early to say. You would never believe that she has such difficult nights because of her sweet and happy disposition during the day.
So far she rarely cries and needs to be held less. The latter is not something I'm looking for her to stop but she is confident in the house as long as she can see me, and it is obvious that she was very independent prior to being with us. Already she is used to our routine and keeps me on my toes. This morning I took too long to get her dressed so she went into her and G's room, grabbed her jeans that were in a clean laundry pile and brought them to me in the bathroom. Ahhh...to have an audience again while in the loo. If I'm lucky G is wondering what Prim is doing who is busy looking at what I'm doing or trying to hand me toilet paper in the bathroom. Then I have four eyes staring at me in earnest concentration as I politely lecture on privacy in the 21st century.
Today after nap time Prim was like a toddler spiked with Pixie sticks and waved and blew kisses to everyone she saw in the neighborhood. She also yelled "YEAH!!" to anything that seemed exciting to her, including my friend's two year old daughter who fell flat on her face on the side walk. Our next bathroom session together will cover Compassion 101 and Curbing Your Enthusiasm During Times of Distress.
She was bitten today by another toddler and only seemed mildly offended. She has already rolled off of our bed, fallen down a few stairs and given herself rug burn all the while picking herself up and dusting herself off. I love her spunk and her willingness to try new things and can't wait to see how she grows and matures with each passing day.
Tomorrow I hope for an even better day than today, even if it is only for me to be more thankful, more prayerful, more willing to look up instead of down.