Musings...

I love the wind because it shatters my vanity with a single gust. Today it's windy and the breeze feels so good on my face but I hate pulling sticky strands of hair from my glossed lips. I twist and turn in a last ditch attempt to salvage my pinned up hair but it's already too late. I look like I've been in a convertible with the top down in the middle of a tornado.

The wind carries the ocean to our doorstep and the smell of fish and saltwater make me think of frothy white foam that tops sea swells. I close my eyes, take a deep breath of fresh air and feel the wind skirt between my fingers and over my outstretched arms. I can almost imagine that I am flying until the shriek of my little one pulls me back to earth and we begin our walk to the bus stop.

I love the wind because it is how I see the Holy Spirit. In Hebrew, the word behind spirit (ruach) means air in motion, breath and life. I think of the life God breathed into Adam, the new life created in me through Christ and I love the gentle reminder the wind is to me that, although God can not be seen with our eyes, He is tangible in the force He creates. Just like the wind.

Thankful Thursday

1. That the men of H's unit who were in Iraq doing a pre site survey for their upcoming deployment are safe after an IED hit their convoy.

2. My brother being here this week to keep me company (and sane ;)

3. I am so thankful for red meat! H took me to Ruth Chris last night as a belated birthday treat. It was like I had died and gone to cow heaven....

4. New blog friends (you know who you are!)

5. Another amazing family meeting their sweet boy in Thailand!

6. The warm weather we had this week so the kids could finally play outside and ride their bikes for hours.

7. Afrin when you can't take a decongestant

8. G's sweet and God-centered heart

Adoption on My Mind....

So this month was the first month we could start the process of getting pregnant. After the HSG we had to decide if we were going to try this month naturally (i.e. IUI but no drugs) or wait until next month when I could begin the cycle with Clomid. H and I talked about it at nauseum, him being of the opinion that we try right away while I touted the "what-if's" until he began banging his head against the proverbial wall.

My argument lay with the fact that H is deploying but we're not sure when. It's either next month or in June. Either to Iraq or the Philippines. Six months or seven. I mean-could life be any more up in the air right now? I AM NOT HAVING A BABY AGAIN BY MYSELF I tell him.

Then of course H starts going on and on about having faith blah, blah, blah. Literally-that's what I said to his side of the argument. Blah, blah, blah. (secretly, it's in these moments when I wish I were two so I could cover my ears, stomp my feet and squish my eyes real tight). Can't a girl just worry, fret and 'what-if' for a good ten minutes before hubby throws the faith card? I say this with complete levity because I already know what God has put on our heart. It's my thinking, my second guessing that gets in the way. God's timing is perfect and we will have another baby if and when He sees fit.

I was off to the RE again today for an ultrasound to try and predict ovulation. Much to my surprise the doctor thinks I ovulated within the past few days. What!? He still has to confirm with a blood test but all signs point to this month being a wash. I'm pretty surprised and just a little disappointed.

Why just a little? (thanks for asking!). Because I think of babies in far away lands. Sweet faces with no families. The quick pull at my heart when I think of doing it all over again. God whispering James 1:27 and Isaiah 1:17 in my ear.

My Favorite Things

Forget Oprah! As a mom who is constantly on the go here are some things I wouldn't like to live without (you may notice I'm a gadget girl!):

1. My Amazon Kindle- Up to 1,500 books on one light, hand held device. (*sigh)

2. Kiehl's Ultimate Strength Hand Salve

3. God's Promises for Every Day (great for topical scripture verses to memorize)

4. Burt's Bees beeswax lip balm (regular or medicated)

5. Bare Minerals blush in Golden Gate

6. Praying the Scriptures for Your Children by Jodie Berndt

7. My Keurig one cup coffee maker

8. Spry Xlitol gum in spearmint flavor

9. New Chapter Pre Natal Vitamins (any of their stuff is fabulous!)

10. Shark Steam Mop

She CAN Do It!!

Lately our goal has been to get Prim to a place where she can express herself in a way that does not include crying, whining and tantrumming. Normally our day includes dozens of examples of the above with me trying my best to be calm and patient, prompting her to use her "big girl words" in the face of tears and screams.

It doesn't take much, saying "no" to Prim is more likely than not cause for hysterics. She is dysregulated more quickly these days than even a year ago. Who can blame her? A daddy deployed for seven months and two moves within nine weeks after his return is enough to send anyone over the edge. With the help of a therapist and some fantastic bloggin' moms, I've taken on board great suggestions and skills that, although they set me outside of my comfort zone, are what Prim needs.

Often I ask Prim, "just tell me what you need sweetheart" and what I get are tears and a high pitched chipmunk voice that make my ears feel like they are going to start bleeding. This morning, as I do every morning, I ask her go upstairs and get dressed and brush her teeth. Two months ago her response would have been immediate whining, feet stomping and altogether mayhem. About a month ago she was finally using her words to tell me (in her most whiny voice often accompanied by tears) that she doesn't want to be upstairs by herself. Even that was progress. At least then she was saying how she felt so I began walking upstairs with her so she could complete her task. This morning, after making my daily request to go upstairs and get dressed, she came up to me and said in her most big girl voice "mommy, do you mind coming upstairs with me so I can get dressed please?".

What a victory!! Not for me but for my little girl who must have felt so secure to be able to ask me with such confidence! We did a very long happy dance and celebrated her words with high fives and kisses. She did it! I know it may not happen again tomorrow or the next day but I know that she can do it and now so does she. The best part was that later she reminded me that she had talked with no whining and she felt like such a big girl!

Baby steps equal big milestones in our house. This day couldn't have gotten better.....

The Men in My Life

New Camera!

Thankful Thursday

1 Chronicles 16:34
Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever

1. This week I am so thankful for my thirty-three years on this earth.

2. For the renewing in my marriage. Eleven years later and I am so thankful for the man who is my best friend and the keeper of my heart.

3. I am so thankful for the seasons! I love falling asleep to the sound of rain...

4. Only two days until family is here for the weekend and my brother on Monday.

5. Answered prayer for a friend

6. All of the families who open their hearts to a child not born from them.

7. A church that is starting to feel like home.

8. Psalm 18:2

9. Endless possibilities

The Little Things

I was walking out of Prim's preschool and overheard two gals having a conversation that went something like this:

Mom 1 : How are you today?
Mom 2 (holding toddler): Great so far! I actually managed to take a shower this morning!
Mom 1: (laughing) That's good!
Mom 2: Yeah, it's the little victories really.
Mom 1: I know how you feel.
Mom 2: (gushing) I just can't believe I was able to find the time! With four kids......I had to get up super early but it was worth it!

I smiled to myself because I have had this very same conversation and I thought "Mom 2 is going to have a great day today". And not because she found a cure for cancer or won a trip to Hawaii (by herself without said children), but because she is appreciating the little things.

I bet most of us, regardless of how stressful our day is can find one thing to be thankful for in the midst of chaos. Whether it's getting quiet time before the kids wake up, having lunch with a friend or even just making it to work on time, sometimes that is victory enough.

The next time you are tempted to say how awful the day was, think about Mom 2 and how an early morning shower added some spring to her step. Find a reason to be thankful because life is too short to forget the little things.....

Extreme Makeover Blog Edition (Coming Soon!)

Kelsey over at Kreated by Kelsey is helping me redesign my blog! Even after plugging in a new background a few weeks ago, I'm just not technically advanced enough to have the look I really want. I have edited HTML to the best of my abilities!

If you get a chance, head over to Kelsey's site to enter her free giveaway!! Meanwhile, keep on reading and I hope you enjoy the new look!