Ours at last

Our Friends,

It is 3 pm on Wednesday afternoon and our daughter is passed out on top of her Mommy, while G snoozes nearby in his bed. I am April's husband, a long time listener, first time caller. It as been a wonderful couple of days for us. We got Prim yersterday morning and she cried for 2 hours straight. She did everything she could to plead us for her release. At one point she thought she might find sympathy in G, who was about her size and might understand. When he wouldn't lead her to freedom, she held him in a life or death bearhug, to which he wished he would have stayed still in his corner and never set down the gameboy moments earlier. He has not fallen for the old bearhug from hell trick since. She finally collapsed, exhausted and out of strength.
She awoke in a rather good mood, perhaps her ruse to trick us into releasing her. We decided to go up to the pool deck where she watched G and I splash around. She decided that this must surely be the path to freedom and wanted to go in. Mommy took her below and changed her into a classy yet conservative 1 piece bathing suit. Unfortunately her first time in a pool got her 1 foot below the water, because Mommy jumped into the deep end rather than the shallow. It was no matter, because she absolutely loved it. Who would have thought that she was a water baby?
We showered, changed and took the skytrain to the mall for food and new shoes. It turns out Prim's feet are HUGE. I'm not kidding. It's like someone took a can of Vienna Sausages and used them as her toes. None of the shoes that Mommy brought fit her. The closest ones were sandals, and all of her toes hung over the front and wrapped themselves under the sole. On the way back, G fell asleep in my arms while Prim was not far behind. She actually slept peacefully through the night with a short interruption for a feeding at 1:30 AM. It seems her favorite position is actually on top of Mommy. We tried the "hug and roll" trick but to no avail. It only made her cry.
The next morning we got up early and got ready for the board meeting. She cried and pleaded for Pat as soon as she saw her and demanded for her immediate release, all the while chanting that "we do not negotiate with terrorists." The board went extremely well and they were all enamored with G, who sang them a song (If I could be a fishy) and wanted to answer all the questions for us via the microphone. One of the board members actually chased after us and asked to get a picture of us with her. We broke free from the group took a taxi back to our hotel. Midway through the bumper to bumper traffic, G decided he had to pee and so I ran him to a store while the taxi was gridlocked. I chased the Taxi down two blocks only to run past it, in the middle of traffic. It was quite a site to see, I assure you. We were drenched in sweat from the heat and humidity so Prim got her second shot in the pool as we tried to cool down.
Tomorrow we have the embassy Visa application and then off to Hua Hin. Prim is adjusting well to her to her incarceration with this strange family with foreign tongues, but refuses to have anything to do with me. April thinks it's because Foster Father was so close to her and I reminded her of him. I think it is simply because it is her silent protest to this unjust totalitarian state which has ripped her from everything she has known.

Enough Tears to Fill a River

This morning started off well after having another good but broken night of sleep. It seems like we all fall asleep early but then are awake by 3am only to fall back asleep and wake up around 8am. I don't think it's half bad, we are still getting alot of sleep. The hotel beds are not super comfortable but we are too tired to care which makes them perfect. I love the hotel. The Amari is quite nice with great food and wonderful service. They couldn't be more accomodating and everyone seems to know why we are here. The Thai people in general are terrific and couldn't be nicer or more generous. The "wai" that is done in greeting or thanks is humbling to me. Especially because the very act of bowing or lowering oneself (in body position) reminds me of how infrequently I lower myself enough in prayer. Yesterday when we left the foster family they expressed their thanks for gifts and our visit with a very deep wai and all I could think of is how it should have been reversed. They have done so much for Prim and our family. We thanked them with gifts and with our words of gratitude, but the respect that they showed us felt almost undeserving. I will carry that moment in my heart forever.

Today we met Pat and the other social worker (I can't pronounce her name to save my life so I will refer to her as "Favorite" for now) around 10:30am, after breakfast. Let me digress a moment for all of my Holt ladies. At breakfast we caught up with Alyssa and Tim whom we had met on Sunday. Chayana is still in the hospital but they have been to see her and from what they have said she seems to be doing a bit better. I'm not sure of too many details so I won't overstep and post anymore about that. I would just ask that you keep the Frahm family and Chayana in your prayers as they try to work out the details of her hospital stay and eventual release to bring her home.
We also met Becky & Dave (yeah!) and another family from Norway. Both families had traveled south to pick up their children a week ago and are now back in Bangkok for the board meeting Wednesday. They are so nice and the children are just adorable. I can't tell you how comforting it is to be traveling with other families who are sharing the same experience. Even though we haven't spent much time together and have been very busy it is nice to have the comraderie.
Anyway, back to our morning. We met Pat and Favorite in the lobby and as soon as Prim took one look at us the tears started. They immediately handed her to me and we started off for the department store for some shopping. When we got to the mall I had H help me and put Prim in the carrier b/c she was trying so desperately to get away from me I was afraid I would drop her. We spent the next hour walking around but really it's all a blur. Prim screamed at the top of her lungs the entire time and worked up a pretty good sweat trying to bust out of the Ergo. A plus to Ergo for a sturdy carrier;) It was very difficult for her and a few times she gagged from crying so hard. Pat and Favorite were just incredible, walking beside us holding her hand but telling her that Mommy had to carry her and that they were holding other things. Prim was calling each of their names and trying any way to have them take her. I have to say that girl is smart as a whip. Pat can't believe how verbal she is and says that her vocabulary is pretty extensive for her age. I think having older foster siblings has helped in that area. G did great and liked looking at the toys. He doesn't seem a bit purturbed by her crying and has taken it in stride. He tries to calm her by rubbing her legs or arm but she pushes him away. So far she doesn't want anything to do with him and even though he is a little kid he is part of our family and she wasn't having any part of it.
We went to lunch in the department store and Favorite took her and put her on her lap and Prim calmed down after a few minutes. She ate some rice and chicken and looked at a book that I got her only when I wasn't paying attention. You can see from the picture that she is crying but that was only after I started rubbing her leg and said hello. I love how her bottom lip shakes, H and I said that she can give Angelina Jolie a run for her money in the pouty lip department!!
After lunch we came back to the hotel. Pat and Favorite left us on our own and we took Prim to our room. She cried for about an hour before falling into an exhausted sleep. She wimpered and cried off an on in her sleep but I was happy that she had finally taken some of her bottle and was getting some rest.
When it was time to meet Pat and Favorite in the lobby, I took her downstairs. She woke up and cried softly but stopped when we left the room. I think she was a bit dazed. Hung stood at the doorway and waved goodbye and I said "bye bye Daddy" and she waved to him and blew him a kiss all on her own. You should have seen the smile on my husband's face. Pure Daddy joy!!
I was encouraged that when Prim saw Pat she didn't cry. She actually seemed a bit confused to me but after a minute she held out her arms for Favorite. They got her to give me a kiss on the cheek, I kissed her back with a loud smooch and she ALMOST smiled back!! Definitely a highlight of the day. I watched them walk away and I saw her turn around to look for me and when she saw me she stared until I was out of sight.
Tomorrow we become a family forever. They will drop her off at 10:30am and she is ours for the keeping. I can't wait.

More Pictures

I'm going to post this link for more pics and see if this works....Click on the title for this post and hopefully it will lead you to the photobucket link for pictures. Since we have a Mac it may show up or not so I'm not positive how it will turn out:)

And Prim Makes Four

Our daughter is a firecracker.....Today was a great day and I am now able to absorb it a bit better now that we're back in our hotel room and able to relax a bit. Let me start from the beginning.
After having a great nights sleep-actaully we all slept well over 16 hours-we got up, got ready and had a wonderful breakfast. You wouldn't believe the spread they had!! A great way to start the day. We met Pat in the lobby along with Alyssa and Time (great to meet them!) and after going into a conference room she briefed us on the day and told us a bit about what to expect in the coming days. They were nice enough to give us a schedule of our time which was helpful in anticipating our time with Prim.
We watched a short video on Holt Sahathai Foundation and during the last ten minutes or so Prim arrived with two of the social workers. The worst part was that we had to finish watching the video before they brought her in. We coud hear her in the hall way so we made G take a peek and he was jumping up and down he was so excited to see her. It was nice that he was the first in our family to see her. When she came in the door she was apprehensive and I swear she took one look at us and turned around to leave. I could tell that she had been prepared and recognized us because she wanted nothing to do with us. The social workers were just terrific and they sat down with her and tried to get her to come to us. I told Mo that it was ok and we would keep our distance until she could check us out for a while. We just sat down next to her and tried to play and roll a ball for a while. She was very attached to one of the social workers and after an hour, when they handed her to me, Prim screamed her head off. We finally had to leave the room so she would be separate from the worker that she obviously felt so comfortable with. We took a walk around the pool and it felt good to hold her;) Gabriel, meanwhile, was just terrific with her and shared his toys when we finally took her to our room to show her where she woud be sleeping. The social workers were telling her she would be sleeping in the room and we were her family and the whole time she shook her head no (I guess head shaking is a universal language!). We had lunch together and it was obvious that I have another child who could care less about food. Apparently our little one does not eat much and is fed on the go. Hmmm...why does that seem so familiar to me?
Later in the afternoon we took the hour drive to see the Foster Family. I thought that maybe they lived outside of the city but I was wrong. They live right in the city and a home that they share with their extended family. I wasn't aware of this as it was not stated in her home reports. I wish I had known that so I could have brought more gifts but Mo assured me that it was fine. I can't say enough about Prim's foster family. They are extremely warm and gracious. The father especially touched my heart. He was so concerned about her transition with us and told us (through the translator) that he worried that she would cry alot and be sad when she was with us for some time. It was so nice to see the interaction between the family and Prim and I think we got a better sense of her personality while we were there.
Now that I've gone through our day, let me give you some insight to our daughter. When I first saw her I couldn't get over how cute she was. Her face is very expressive and it is clear that she is very bright and attentive. I must say off the bat that she is the most strong willed 19 month old child that I have every come in contact with. She makes it 100% clear about what she wants, when she wants it and does not take "no" for an answer. She says a few words (like "no") and water, cat, up etc... When we visited the foster family they even told us that they do not really tell her no and that she is spoiled rotten b/c she is the youngest. While we were at the house, Prim grabbed a bundled of chopsticks and when G went up to talk to her, she hit him on top of the head so hard that they all broke. She is either freakishly strong or they were thin chopsticks. Amazingly G took it very well and after a brief explanation he seemed to be better. I felt so bad for him.
Hung adores her already and loves how fiesty she is. He thinks it's pretty funny that she is hard headed like her mother. He got her to smile at him today and she kept making a funny face where she would open her mouth as wide as she could and he woud imitate her. It was pretty cute!
There is so much more to write but quite honestly I'm tired. G fell asleep in the van to the hotel and when we woke him and went to dinner he cried until we finally realized he wasn't going to make it through dinner. We left before ordering and went to upstairs to our room. He went right to sleep and we ordered room service.
Tomorrow we have most of the day with Prim and I'm not sure how much the social worker will be with us. I'm looking forward to having her with us alone for a while and if we have some time we may take her to the swimming pool. I'll post tomorrow with more pictures!

Ahhhhh....Thailand

We're here safe and sound and in one piece!! I think we're still a bit in shock that we are actually in Bangkok! All of our flights were great and I highly recommend Singapore Air. Each flight was on time and we cut 1 hour 1/2 total flying time by keeping a great schedule (I'm sure tail winds helped too:). We had a letter waiting for us from Holt with insructions and itinerary. If I wasn't a bit nervous before I am now. We have a really big day tomorrow and will meet Prim at 10:15am here at the hotel. Later in the day we will have our first and only meeting with the foster family. We are just so excited to be here!! I'm going to keep this short for now. We are headed to get money changed, get a SIM chip for our cell phone and go to the market for necessities and munchies.

We're in Singapore

So, some how or another I never got the memo that our flight included a stop in Korea before landing in Singapore. And, since math is a second language to me I totally miscalculated our trip time. Our first leg was 11 hours 30 minutes with a two hour stop in Korea followed by a 5 1/2 hour flight into Singapore. We now have a 7 hour layover until our flight into Bangkok!! Blessedly G slept 5 hours the first leg and about three the second. He's in rare form right now so at 1am in the morning he has free reign to run around the airport like a crazy man. The flight were both great and Praise God I experienced the least anxiety I've ever had flying!! I can't believe we'll be meeting Prim tomorrow!
I'll write more once we arrive at our hotel in Bangkok. Love to everyone.

See you in Thailand!!

I can't believe we leave tomorrow!!!!! We're almost packed, Grandpa is here and ready to watch the house and the dogs (more importantly have a vacation for himself) and tomorrow morning we leave. We leave for the airport around 9:30am and our flight is at 2pm. Hopefully I'll be able to post from the airport in Singapore but we may not get to it until Thailand. See you all in Bangkok!!

THE Question

Everyone keeps asking me "Are you excited!?" These days I actually find myself pausing, trying desperately to put so many emotions into words. Most of the time I just answer a simple yes, but my hesitation is noticed. It is apparent that I stumble in my attempt to clarify my hesitation, but I don't feel like I come out of the conversation unscathed.
For me, at this moment in time, I can compare my feelings to how I felt before giving birth to G. Was I excited to have my little boy? Of course. But at the same time I was keenely aware of a chapter in my life that would soon end, allowing the new to blossom and take over like weeds in a garden. Now, I'm not comparing this wonderful experience and change to weeds, but this change is so drastic, so sudden that it seemed a fare comparison to make.
I remember those days before giving birth, feeling the weight of my stomach with every movement. The slow, deliberate pushes and kicks of my son filled me with wonder that I knew would only last for a short time more. I remember feeling sadness. I had held him so close to me and with him inside of me I never felt alone.
Now, as I picture meeting my little girl for the first time I feel so many things that do include excitement. But I also know that with that moment comes a chapter that will close behind us so that another, an even better one, can open.
Right now I am saying goodbye. Goodbye to my son being an only child. Goodbye to being a mother of one. Goodbye to quiet. Goodbye to the image that I have of Grace in my mind. The one where she is perfect and loving and attached to me because I am her mother.
When we land in Bangkok I will be ready to say hello. Hello to my daughter who is perfect because of who she is, not because of what I have envisioned her to be. Hello to our life as a family of four. I will say thank you for the blessing of this little girl, for my son, for my husband who listened to God while I had my hands firmly over my ears.

Nothing Much to Say

Really. Too much going on with too little to say. Yes, we're very excited. Yes, I'm a bit anxious. No, we're not completely packed (I do still need to wear underwear for the next five days). Yes, G is excited as well (he's in a hurry to have someone to share the "time-out" experience with). No, my house is not ready (there are tiny little Lego Star Wars pieces everywhere).
On a good note, Grandpa comes next Tuesday to house sit. Bonus for watching the dogs on our end and revisiting old huants on his end. Thanks to Jen for taking us to the airport almost two hours away-I didn't even get to the bribery part and she accepted with a smile. Thanks to Meredith for picking us up when we return and knowing in advance that I will be exhausted/frazzled/too quiet or too loud and will love me anyway. Thanks to my blog pals and Holt ladies for keeping me sane for the past many moons that's it's taken to get this far. I'll post before we go but don't expect too much before then.
If you would like to recommend an amazing book to me for the marathon plane ride please leave a comment or email me. I usually like mystery/thrillers but am trying to get away from this genre for my mental health. So far I've heard about "The Secret Life of Bees". I'm trying to get through the "Time Traveler's Wife" but not getting very far.

Packing

Well, I'm happy to say that our first two bags are packed!! Last night I stayed up forever doing the Drive Thru 4 Smiles toys and packing them in a large suitcase. I think I have about 200 toys to bring for the children in foster care and at the orphanges!! I'm really psyched about that.
Today I spent the afternoon preparing, wrapping and organizing all of the gifts that we are bringing for the Holt Staff and foster family. I couldn't wrap everything so I have bright yellow and pink bags to put gifts in as well. A huge thanks to my mom and dad for buying such thoughtful gifts for the family. It really means alot to know that it's not just us who are thinking of them. My girlfriend, Meredith, also gave me a bunch of MaryKay lipstick and nail polish for the foster mom. I hope we haven't gone overboard but I really wanted to spoil them. It's the least we can do for all that they have done for us....
Hung has gotten all of the paperwork together in file and I've gotten some snacks to entice our little girl with when we meet. Bribery works always right? If Cheerios and fruit snacks don't get us anywhere I'm ready to use chocolate:)
G is getting so excited although his behavior is not very desirable right now. He's really into this pouty, cross-his-arms, stomp his feet mode. Ugh. Tennis was not pleasant for me today. Many, many hissy fits and melt downs. Maybe it's the trip. Maybe it's a phase. Let's hope it ends in ten days:)