Wednesday, January 27, 2010

What Irks Me

I was reading the news online this afternoon and was struck by a headline that read "California teen sentenced for beating adoptive mom to death". Instead of thinking how horrible it was that this teenage girl took the life of her mother, all I could think was 'why did they have to say "adoptive mother"'? It irks me. It makes me think of how we are quick to label one another for the roles we play in society. Does the term adoptive mother in this article imply that there is a dark underbelly of adoption that should be dissected, investigated, feared? Is it an attempt to garner more sympathy for the mother in this story? Are we, as the readers, supposed to think "oh that poor woman, if only she had known...". It irks me. I am not Prim's adoptive mom. I am her mother. I would never refer to her as my adoptive daughter. Hello, this is my son G and this is my adopted daughter Prim. No way. Our relationship does not need to be labeled. To do so would be to set each other apart from what we have. It would say to the world that I hold a different place in my heart for her than I do for my biological son. She is my daughter. Her adoption does not define our relationship. If that were the case I would have to introduce my son as, "this is my son, conceived in a doctor's office on a sunday morning. nice to meet you".


Wendy said...

I am so with you on this one. I cannot tell you how I flip every time I see a photo of "Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, their daughter Suri and Tom's "adopted children..." Can't they just be "Tom's children?" When Kirk Douglas died I remember his obituary specifically stating that he was survived by his children x, y, and z, and his "adopted son ______" AARGHH! Drives me insane. I have a top 10 list of things adoptive parents want people to know on my blog. This is the type of thing on the list. You wouldn't anymore say "this is my adopted daughter, Lily, than you would say, 'this is my vaginally delivered' daughter_____!" Why must we constantly quantify and qualify how our kids became our children--they ARE our children. Period.

Shannon said...

I love that you share your opinion on this. I agree wholeheartedly...whatever way our children became our children, it was because God planned it. It doesn't need to be explained beyond that.

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