Tuesday, October 05, 2010

Should Military Families Adopt?: Part 1

I think one of the most important things we try to instill in our adopted children is that they are loved by us forever. That they have finally received a permanent family, the abandonment process will not continue it's vicious cycle and their hearts have a place to call home.  And it's a process. Earning their trust takes more than time and energy.  It takes devotion that does not have conditions or parameters.  It can often be a very long process that is slow to mature over months or years, sometimes taking one step forward and two steps back from one day to the next.

Now take this child, who yearns for the safety of attachment, a love that is bigger than their hurt and place them in a military family.  Nothing shatters the I love you and will never leave you mantra like a six, nine or twelve month deployment.

Should military families consider adoption knowing that their lifestyle is often disruptive and unpredictable?


Laura said...

Yes, I believe we should. We recently made it through a 6 month deployment--my daughter's(whom we adopted at 6 1/2 years old) first deployment experience. It wasn't easy (ha! what deployment is??) but she got through it very well. Her love for and devotion to my husband was not lessened by his absence. She seems to have born it without any scars. She knew he didn't want to leave, and he told her during every phone call that he kept pictures of her everywhere, so he could always look at her. And he reminded her every phone call that he was coming back. That's a lot different from abandonment. She's experienced a lot of loss in her life, so we anticipated the deployment being harder than it was. Ultimately I think it was the communication between her and my husband while he was gone, as well as my constant reminders to her that Papa loves us and was coming home, that made it feel nothing like the losses she'd encountered previously in her life. But yes, I definitely think military families should adopt. My daughter is happy and secure in her family, and proud of her Papa. I think it takes more effort on the part of both parents to make the child feel secure, but it can be done.

April said...

Thanks so much for your comment!!! I 100% agree with you and I think when i get further along in this series you'll see that our opinions line up pretty well :)

Keep reading and thanks so much for stopping by!

a Tonggu Momma said...

Yes, I think they should. That's not to say that deployment and a parent having a high risk job are not something to take lightly, but yes, I think military families should be allowed to adopt. There are many benefits to being raised in a military family (I was).

For one, I was exposed to more diversity than the average white American child (definitely a bonus when it comes to transracial adoption) - and not simply racial diversity, but cultural diversity as well. For another, the military offers a lot of stability and great health care during hard economic times. I could go on and on.

Deployments are tough, especially for children who have already lost so much. But it CAN be managed.

Just my two yuan.

LucisMomma said...

I thought I had blogged on this very topic, but can't find the particular post I'm thinking of--my DH was deployed when DD had been home for 3 years. He is Army Reserve and had previously gone for 2 tours before her adoption. DD had a hard time but weathered it pretty well. He left just after DD turned 4 and got home (no more trips since he's now retired) 13 months later. It did bring up the issue of loss in a very big way. The deployment forced to the front her missing her "China-mama" as DD calls her. We got help from our International Adoption Clinic. It also helped that I'm a stay-at-home mom and had me full-time with her.

Yes, military families should be allowed to adopt.

also at: http://justmythoughtsexactly.wordpress.com/

Laura said...

Part 2 didn't disappoint, and I look forward to part 3! Thanks for your comments on my blog, by the way :)

Mireille said...

Hmm... I haven't thought about that, so good that you bring up this topic!! I agree you should have the right to adopt like everybody has, but I guess you have to be a strong parent to be at home alone with the child and heal the pain he/she is going through with missing the other parent!! And also for the deployed parent it is extra hard to leave a child that has been through a huge loss already....

I wonder April, did you come across people who feel different about it??

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