Far Away From Here

Do you ever get a deep yearning to just be... away?  For quite some time I have settled into the same daydream.  A little house, lots of open space and the sound of the kids laughing.  In my daydream my belly is swollen with pregnancy and H is beside me on a creaking porch swing.  It is quiet in all of the right ways.  Nature makes it's noises and we spend our evenings quietly enjoying what God has made.

I think I may be entering a new season in my life.  I crave simple.  I long for quiet.  I think much of it has to do with H being gone.  I am starting to realize that I have spent too much of my marriage apart from my husband.  I want to know what it is to be with him, not without.  The kids are growing so fast-I can't seem to remember little things about them when they were babies.  The other day I wrangled with the cloudy memory of when G took his first steps and I hated that I couldn't remember clearly that precious moment. 

Prim came home at twenty one months and just recently I realized how small she was.  I feel like I missed so much of her toddler time because it was so deeply emotional and exhausting for us all.  I wish for her that I had been able to carry her as an infant.  As an adoptive mom I feel like I missed so much-that I should have had the joy of her first tooth and her first steps. 

Maybe what I need is to feel shut away for a while with all of us together again.  The time is slipping, slipping away so quickly and soon they will be stretching their wings to find their own way.