A Post on Regression

It's amazing how life can change in a moment. I should be downstairs, enjoying these last few days of winter vacation with my husband. Instead, I write this from Prim's bed; still disbelieving that we have regressed three years. Last week she watched a movie that scared her and we are now back to the first year of her being home. She can't go into another room by herself and bedtime is a nightmare if one of us doesn't lay down with her. She is whiny, demanding and irrational and H and I are frusrated in return. I have to be honest. I don't get it. On a mature, thoughtful, educated level I understand. I get that abandonment issues do not go away. I know that we will face adoption related emotions for years to come and then some. And I also understand that in my frustration and yes, resentment, that I am making this about me and not her. I don't know where to go from here. I don't know how else to show her that she is safe. I don't know how to not feel angry when I just need to sit with my husband after a long day and enjoy him finally being home. I remember how I used to cringe at the smallest noise, praying that she hadn't woken up after taking hours for her to fall asleep. And now we're back. The worst part is that I don't know how to help my daughter. It's like watching three years of love and patience slip down the drain.

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Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!

Join Me At Wives in Bloom

If you need a little Christmas encouragement please join me at Wives in Bloom today!

What One Baby Did

Wordless Weekend: Advent

A Repost at Grown in My Heart

Follow me here at GIMH for a recent post in honor of national adoption month.  While I received some scathing comments in response to my post, I couldn't be more proud of our family and honored to be raising such a special little girl.

What Thankful Looks Like

On Strike For Love

Please join me at Wives in Bloom today! I wrote this article just days before H returned home from deployment!


Thank you to everyone for your kind words and prayers for our family's reunion-it has been an amazing four days!

Together Again

Thank you to everyone who prayed for H's safe return. I can't describe what it feels like to have him home again but I hope these pictures speak for themselves.  I'm taking a few blogging days off so check back in next week!

Give Away Winner!!

Congratulations to Jennifer Bartlett over at Living for Today, Dreaming About Tomorrow, for winning Battlefields & Blessings by Jocelyn Green!

Thanks to everyone who had such heartwarming words for our men and women in service and participating in my first giveaway!

Wordless Weekend: In Honor Of Those Who Serve: A Three Hour Salute

It's A Veteran's Day Giveaway!

I had the privilege of being asked to review a compelling book, Battlefields & Blessings, by award winning author Jocelyn Green.  At the end of this review you will have the opportunity to win this heartwarming book-just by leaving a comment in honor of Veteran's Day!

Having a spouse currently serving in Iraq, I wanted to give this book an objective review without being overly emotional about the content.  To be honest I wasn't quite sure what to expect, but the subtitle, Stories of Faith and Courage from the war in Iraq & Afghanistan, encouraged me that this was not just another book documenting the atrocities of war.  That an account had been taken of miracles and blessings on the battlefields raging simultaneously in the desserts of Iraq and rugged mountains of war torn Afghanistan.

What first struck me was the unexpected layout of Battlefields and Blessings.  It begins January 1 and continues through December 31. Three hundred and sixty-five days of devotions or three hundred and sixty-five stories to be read back to back.  I did the latter and got carried away as I poured into the intense stories represented by each branch of the military, gender and nationality. These submissions are told from the perspective of mothers, spouses, chaplains and civilians. The scope of experiences is broad yet specific to the individual, giving the reader an intimate look into what could have been the worst day in the life of a soldier, sailor, marine or airmen.

Battlefield and Blessings touches on the foremost issues surrounding active duty military and reservists serving in war.  There is no sugar coating the effect of PTSD, stress, trauma and separation from loved ones.  And there is no shame in the fear felt in the midst of danger or the grief shown after a friend is killed.  What is written on these pages is testimonies in hope and faith.  There are no shortages of miraculous moments in which God is so clearly present, when He guided and carried His children into the unknown.  They are stories of redemption and grace, courage and fortitude, sometimes beyond our comprehension.

What I loved most about this book is the raw emotion with which these stories are narrated.  War is ugly, it is difficult and it has the capacity to destroy even without taking a single life.  Seeing the hope that God inspires out of chaos is a genuine reflection of the author's intent; to witness and share the incredible redeeming love and mercy of God.  To honor those who sacrificed it all for love of country and duty.

I will be giving away a signed copy of this book! Starting today, please leave a comment in honor of Veteran's Day-whether it is to share a personal story, words of encouragement for our men and women serving today or for those who have served so valiantly in prior wars. Please make sure to leave an email address so that you can be contacted in the event you win! Also, if you share this post in a link on your blog please let me know and you will be entered twice!!  The winner will be mailed their signed copy of Battlefields and Blessings next week, comments can be made until this Sunday, November 12th.

Faith Deployed: A Post on Creating Intimacy

Happy Monday all! Please join me over at Faith Deployed today as I talk about simple ways to create intimacy during separation.

This doesn't just apply to deployments, but for spouses who have careers that take them away from family for any period of time.

Adoption Fundraiser

Hello friends!

I saw this adoption fundraiser opportunity and thought I would pass it along!

BFF's

A Typical Conversation

Unfortunately for me this is the kind of conversation that comes up on a very regular (much too regular!) basis:

Gabe: I love boysenberry syrup!

Me: Me too and that's the exact same kind I ate when I was a little girl!.

Gabe (a bit too startled): Wait a minute, diiiiiiid you have stoves back then?

Me: Yes, believe it or not we had stoves all the way back then.

Gabe: No mommy. What I'm trying to say is did you have tv with ACTUAL different channels?



This is like the time, not too long ago, when he asked me if I was born when pencils had been invented. 


When does this kid think I was born? 1877?

Learning To Say Thank You!

Stop by Wives in Bloom and read my article on choosing to say two very simple words!

Wordless Weekend: A Few Inches Off The Top

She's Growing Up Without My Permission

Preschool Picture Day

She even knew to cross her hands over her lap! Such a little lady!

Harvesting the Soul: A Faith Deployed Article

Join me over here today at Faith Deployed to read what's going on with me as I anticipate H's homecoming....

Wordless Weekend: Fall

Wordless Weekend: Some Days...

A Television Show That I Can Not Stand!

10 THINGS I WOULD RATHER DO THAN WATCH "THE VIEW"

1.  Bite the inside of my cheek in the exact same spot over and over again

2.  Inhale black pepper (through both nostrils)

3.  Read Dan Brown's "The Lost Symbol" five times in a row without skipping pages (or throwing it across the room in frustration)

4.  Watch every single rerun of Jon & Kate Plus 8 in one sitting

5.  Stub my toe on the dog's most spiky-from-being-chewed dog toy in my bare feet. While running.

6.  Listen to the song "Puff The Magic Dragon" until my ears bleed

7.  Squeeze into a size 8 pair of jeans and walk around shaking my booty and flaunting my muffin top like it's hot

8.  Wax off a part of my eyebrow right smack dab in the middle and have to shade it in for the next three months (I've done it-it's embarrassing)

9.  Let my dog lick me in the mouth. On purpose. Without rinsing.

10.  Put an I ♥ Barack Obama sticker on my car for 48 hours.....just kidding. That would never happen. "The View" would win.

Deployments Stink

Homecoming is approaching but not fast enough for two little ones who miss their daddy.  Tonight at bedtime we prayed for the first wave of daddies who are coming home (very) soon and asked God to bless their reunions with their families.  When I opened my eyes I was looking at a very sad little boy. Tears streaming down his face as he so bravely tried to get through our prayer without making a sound until he couldn't hold it in anymore.  It doesn't seem fair that he has to wait an extra month to hug his daddy while other kids do not and he is angry.
It's not fair. None of it. Not that they have to be without their father. Not that it's for so long and so far away.  Not that we live in a world where men have to stand watch with a gun. I can wipe away the tears but there will be more to replace them tomorrow. There is only one person that can take them away and he is not here.
I am praying that the time goes by quickly. That before we know it H will be home and we will be together again. Because watching them cry breaks my heart into a million little pieces.

Wordless Weekend

Should Military Families Adopt?: Part 3

While H was preparing to deploy January of last year I won't deny that I had a  few moments of panic.  We had spent the past year and a half assuring Prim that we were, in fact, here to stay.  That nighttime was not scary because we were all still together when the lights were out and that we would love her even when she fought us as if her life depended on it.

We were just beginning to see who she was beyond the hurt and fear when H left for Iraq and I was afraid that her smile would fade in the wake of her father's absence. Explaining to a three year old that Daddy is going on a long trip is pretty much the equivalent of telling her he'll be home tomorrow. She had no concept of time, no internal calendar to help mark the days gone by, so after the first week, when she was asking for Daddy to come back and I couldn't explain any better that the deployment was seven months long, we both wept.  I felt guilty for causing her unnecessary pain, for putting her through what I had promised so casually would never happen again. I had a moment of thinking "what had we done?". Did we really think her soul could survive the constant separation? Was a military lifestyle okay for a child who had suffered the trauma of abandonment not once but twice?

That first week, when we held each other and wept, I silently pulled out the daddy doll I had been saving for a moment when I knew she would need to see his face. I put the puffy pillow-like doll with Daddy's smiling face in between us and wrapped her arms around it.  Reminding her that Daddy still loved her. That even though he was miles away he was still in her heart. That he was coming back.  That we would be with her always.  That the distance did not mean he was gone for good, just gone for now.  I'll never forget the look of surprise on her face when she saw her new doll.  How wide her eyes got at the small version of him in front of her.  She very quietly said, "Oh daddy. I've missed you so much" as she lovingly stroked his face and cried.

Later that night I cried for her, for us.  It was so hard but seeing her sadness gave me hope that some of the anger she had been holding on to was melting away.  That her tears could be wiped away and replaced with a smile.  Over the next seven months she went through an adjustment process, working out her feelings in many ways. Sleep issues resurfaced with a vengeance, no place was close enough to me and it was exhausting.  But she did it! She smiled and laughed and played.  She went to preschool and made friends and learned to manage her feelings as she continued to mature.  She realized that our family was still a family no matter where we were in the world.  She laughed at daddy on the computer when we had an opportunity to Skype and loved babbling about everything on the phone when he called.

When H returned from deployment last August it was such a sweet homecoming for the kids. Prim jumped into his arms with abandon and shouted over and over again "I missed you Daddy!".  She was surprisingly content and the adjustment for her was minimal in the following weeks. I was so proud of her, so thankful for her peaceful heart.

We moved twice in nine weeks after H's return.  Talk about confusing, especially for our little girl.  But we did it with a smile, made our moving a crazy adventure and drove across country to Virginia where we knew another deployment awaited us.  Somewhere in the next few months my daughter became confident, assured in her position in the family.  She went into a new preschool (again) making friends easily and being an enthusiastic student.  She asked often if we were moving again and we would laugh and say "not for a while" at which she would laugh as well.

And then, Daddy deployed again this past April and the goodbyes and I'll be coming backs started all over again. It was incredibly sad but the past seven months had made a big difference in her development and the previous deployment was still fresh in their minds. We settled into a routine, talking often about missing daddy but concentrating on school work, activities, family and friends.  This time she talks about what we'll do when Daddy comes home and I smile because she sees herself in the future with us all together.  She understands that we are together forever.

I had some moments of fear that being a military family would be too difficult for her.   That it wasn't fair to constantly change and uproot and be apart.  But what I have learned is that we have the unique opportunity to focus on what permanence means. That God is still God no matter what.  That our family can live anywhere and still be OUR family.  That Daddy going away is temporary and love can defy distance and time.  That we are serving our country when we support Daddy.  That we can be bigger and better than our circumstances.

I have had the pleasure of knowing many military families who have adopted and I think they make such amazing parents.  Living a military life forces you to be open to the unknown, you are surrounded by a wonderful mixture of nationalities, cultures and lifestyles.  We are grounded by a common bond of sacrifice, honor and service that extends to our churches, communities and schools.

I am proud to say that we are a military family who has chosen to expand our family through adoption.  What is difficult and challenging is also extremely rewarding. We live a life that depends on the 100% assurance of God and faith in His plan and Prim was a part of that plan. He knew our life and what it would mean for her and I am confident that He does not make mistakes.

Should Military Families Adopt?: Part 2

I love the replies I received from yesterdays post and hope you enjoy and are challenged by the next next chapter in this series. I just want to quickly clarify that the main question was not should military families be allowed to adopt, but should they, knowing the lifestyle and the impact it may have on a newly adopted child, choose adoption for their family.

Part 2

To be honest, when we decided to adopt I don't think we gave much thought to the impact our constantly moving, relentlessly changing life would have on our daughter.  In fact, when we began the process of bringing Prim home, we very specifically believed our military life would be an advantage to our little girl thousands of miles away.

You see, Prim was a waiting child from Holt's waiting child photo listing. I took one look at her and those BIG brown eyes and thought "there she is!".  I couldn't get over the similarities in physical features she shared with our son and fell in love with her serious little face.

And so did seven other families.....

I don't know know how to describe the process of being "interviewed" for the right to love and parent a child, but it's not for the faint of heart.  We had to convince a board, who had never met us in person and only knew us on paper, that this ten month old baby with possible special needs, that we were the best choice without a shadow of a doubt.

No pressure...

Before the interview H and I talked about what we had to offer that another family may not.  I kept thinking, how could I convince the woman who was interviewing us that we would love this beautiful little girl more than any other family? I couldn't.  And I wouldn't.  I wouldn't make the argument that our love would be better, that we were more "deserving" because those seven other families wanted to parent this little girl just as much as we did and it felt unfair.  I didn't want the process to feel like a competition. This was about a child.  And we knew there was so much love for her already just from the overwhelming response to one tiny picture on a website.  What we did have to offer which may have been different from other families was (ironically) stability.  We are a military family.  It means job security, medical insurance and no question of pre- existing conditions.  It means a roof over our head, a paycheck on the 15th and 30th of the month without question and the exceptional family member program for those with special needs.  It meant close-knit communities with bi-racial and trans racial families being the norm and accessibility to outreach programs and federally funded support networks.   It means military hospitals, clinics and pharmacies.  It meant a smooth financial and medical transition for a little girl with a lot of unknowns.

A few days later we got the call.  We were hers. She was ours.

And I had to believe it was because, in part, of us being a military family.



Thanks for reading and check back for Part 3!

Should Military Families Adopt?: Part 1

I think one of the most important things we try to instill in our adopted children is that they are loved by us forever. That they have finally received a permanent family, the abandonment process will not continue it's vicious cycle and their hearts have a place to call home.  And it's a process. Earning their trust takes more than time and energy.  It takes devotion that does not have conditions or parameters.  It can often be a very long process that is slow to mature over months or years, sometimes taking one step forward and two steps back from one day to the next.

Now take this child, who yearns for the safety of attachment, a love that is bigger than their hurt and place them in a military family.  Nothing shatters the I love you and will never leave you mantra like a six, nine or twelve month deployment.

Should military families consider adoption knowing that their lifestyle is often disruptive and unpredictable?

Wordless Weekend: What If She Had Been A Twin?

Service Star from Heart on Your Wrist

I had the pleasure of collaborating with one of my FAVORITE online stores, heartonyourwrist.com to design a piece of jewelry honoring men and women serving in our armed forces who are deployed all over the world.

My concept of a wearable, fashionable and simple Service Star to show pride for my husband currently deployed to Iraq, was turned into this beautiful sterling silver necklace thanks to Beth and her company's commitment to customer service and satisfaction.

Please consider this as a gift for friends or family who have loved ones who serve our country past or present.  Each necklace can hold up to three stars for multiple loved ones serving in harms way.

Thank you Beth for this amazing opportunity!

For everyone who orders from seeing this post please enter the coupon code STARS10 at checkout and receive 10% off your order!

Praying Effectively Through The School Year

Today's Faith Deployed article focuses on praying scripturally for our children!

Wordless Weekend: Video Edition

I Will Not Apologize For Adopting

I Will Not...

1.  ...apologize for adopting my sweet daughter.  You can not convince me that her life would have been better in an orphanage or foster care.

2.  ...make politically correct excuses for why we chose international adoption over domestic. It's none of your business.

3.  ...apologize for refusing to blend our daughter's religion of birth with our faith and maintain with certainty that she was brought out of darkness and into Light. Amen.

4.  ...apologize for the amount of money that was spent on the adoption process and would happily do it again.

5.  ...apologize for raising my daughter as an American first.  Her nationality is a part of her history but her home, her freedom and her opportunity come from here.

I Will...

6.  ...love my daughter with every fiber of my being not because she was adopted and fragile, but because she is my daughter and a gift from God.

7.  ...raise her to define herself not by her circumstances, but by the freedom she has in Christ Jesus.

8.  ...pray for her that her adoption into the Kingdom of Heaven becomes her greatest joy. 

9.   ...encourage her to ask questions, seek answers and heal any wound that is a result of her adoption experience.

10.  ...share in her tears for the loss she has suffered.

11.  ...hold her hand for the moments that matter...her wedding day, the birth of her first child, meeting her birth mother...I will be there.

Book Review: Choosing To SEE: A Journey of Struggle and Hope

Please see the following link for my review on Mary Beth Chapman's moving book, Choosing to SEE.

Wordless Weekend: 9/11 Never Forget

Melancholy

Today I find myself in quite a pitiful state. Not completely happy and not completely sad but some strange place in between.

Prim started her first day of preschool today. Yes, she began last year but it was only two days a week and this year she will be gone four days a week. As I watched her go into her new class, after just yesterday waving goodbye to G as he began his second grade year, I lamented over how quickly it has all gone.  Time is quickly passing me by and I fear that I haven't captured it enough, remembered enough.  I worry that the little things that make having a child so precious are going to be forgotten.

My expectations have had to shift since May. You see, at this point I hoped to be pregnant, just in the beginning stages of showing off a baby bump.  How it hurts my heart that I do not have this small gift to carry along with me.  I didn't think it would hurt this much but in the quiet of my own mind today I found myself longing for what seems to be missing.

Is it supposed to feel like we're always saying goodbye? Goodbye to expectations, goodbye to our children as they grow a year older, goodbye to a season that we thought would outlast our dreams.  I ask God so often why, why, why that I wonder if He's still listening. But maybe it's me who's not hearing.  I read His Word that says:

In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith-of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire-may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.  1 Peter 6-7

and not only do I think of my own trials; this deployment, infertility and a small brood growing older by the minute, but I think of the people that I see around me who are suffering and I feel overwhelmed.  A friend of mine often posts on Facebook about about a family who just lost their daughter to an aggressive form of brain cancer. She was five. She was alive one day and the next she was gone, resting in the arms of Jesus.  Or I read Mary Beth Chapman's new book about losing her daughter, Maria, and I think to myself, is this what perspective looks like? How can I possibly feel this way with what they have suffered through?

Maybe it would seem easier if H were home.  Him being gone only magnifies the loneliness and I know that he would stand next to me and say "they're getting so big, where did the time go?"... And then I think of him being seven thousand miles away and not being able to kiss them goodbye on their first day of school or hug them when he gets home. Again-perspective.   

I know tomorrow will be a new day and the goodbyes won't feel quite so difficult. And maybe in November, when there is a welcome hello they won't seem so harsh to begin with.  But for now, I pray that I will be proven faithful and that He always be in it...

My Life

Just a bit about me...

click here to read a bit about my military wife life!

We Are All Adopted

 Please check out my article this week at Christian Military Wives new online magazine "Wives in Bloom".  I love sharing how adoption has made such an amazing impact on my life and my faith!

Wordless Weekend: What Love Looks Like

Rachel's Birthday Video from Kristian Anderson on Vimeo.

The husband has been battling liver and bowel cancer since last October...

Back To School

I have to say that this upcoming school year has not been without trepidation.  I don't know why but I felt like this was a defining year for my kids and their education.  When we were in California and decided to pull G from public school to place him in a private Christian school I felt like I was making a big statement about how he was going to be educated going forward.
Our move to Virginia, before we were able to place him in said private school, gave us two options. Send G to the local public school (which was raved about by friends and strangers alike) or send him to a private Christian school which would cost $10,000 more than what we would have been spending in California. I hate to say it but the bank account won hands down.
There were things I loved about G's new school and things that made me cringe. I loved that they pushed the kids academically and physically. Who knew first graders would have to run a mile-yes that's one full mile- multiple times a week or that they would have to create their own country with a capital, means of leadership (king or president) and country motto. Hey, for first grade I thought it was pretty great!
I cringed at the way the lunch room ladies were nasty to the children they so obviously labeled as "troublemakers" and still think that it's disgraceful that there is a naughty table for kids who are not following the rules-and it seems like these rules include talking above a whisper.  To place kids at a table that is more like being on exhibit skates a fine line between breaking a child's spirit and discipline.  I will NEVER forget the day that we brought cupcakes to the lunch room for G's birthday and one of the little boys who always seemed to be at the naughty table started to cry because he thought he was going to be excluded. My heart broke when I saw a grown woman lash out at him and tell him to knock it off.  Was this where I wanted my child?
My other concern was that after a while I didn't feel like his classroom was a good fit for him and that is when I began to worry about the upcoming second grade year.
This school year Gabe tested into a gifted and talented cluster class. After watching my best friend struggle with her son and his gifted class-or lack thereof-I worried about my G's upcoming experience.  Would he be challenged and encouraged to be his best without expecting perfection?  Would he have a teacher that can look past flaws in handwriting, attention to detail and silly mistakes and see the brilliant and compassionate little boy who can light up a room just by walking through the door?
At this point you may be laughing at me and my expectations for my children. I know that there is never a perfect teacher or perfect school. I'm not a perfect mother so I get it. But my son is going to spend-as he has in the past two years-seven hours a day with a person that is not me! And that's ok in theory but really-I struggle with that.
So back to the trepidation. I started to wonder if this year would be the one that pushed me to home school. To keep the kids at home where I know them inside and out, where I could ultimately look at myself as a mother and say I did the best in every circumstance including their education. My best friend was now doing it and would be completely supportive and after our first grade year considering home school versus private school we had been at this place before.  What was best?
Back to school night was last night and I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised with what I saw.  Even after hearing positive feedback regarding his new teacher I was still hesitant.  I can honestly say that today I am excited for the start of school on Tuesday. I saw a woman that was both nurturing and resourceful, experienced and mature in her teaching style and I like that.
I think the first day of school is going to be difficult for me. Not only because I am watching this little boy whom I used to carry in my arms as a baby walk away towards a new adventure, but because H will not be here to experience it with us. It's just one more memory that we will have without him, one more step towards the future that will include him waving goodbye to the yellow school bus.
I hope that as families, both mom and dad, walk their children to school on their first day that they remember all of the kids who will be without a parent because of their service to our country.  If you have a child in your son or daughter's class who has a parent deployed overseas, consider doing something special for them or their family. You won't believe what a difference you'll make.

New Features at Amazing Grace

I just wanted to point out some new features here that will help you navigate your way around this blog. Please notice that I have added a button for Faith Deployed which will direct you to Jocelyn Green's amazing site offering support and encouragement to military families-especially those going through deployment.  Articles and devotionals can be found under the "blog" header.

You can now subscribe to Amazing Grace! Don't miss out on updates and posts.  I will be linking articles from Faith Deployed and Wives in Bloom to this blog for one stop reading!

Lastly, I have added a search function to make it a bit less time consuming to view posts by topic. If you are a prospective adoptive parent or are in the process of traveling to your child, please use keyword "travel" or "Thailand" for our travel experience to Prim. Any attachment related topics can be found by typing in "adjustment" or "attachment". 

On a more personal note, please keep our men and women in the armed forces in your prayers. Although "combat missions" in Iraq have ended, sailors, soldiers and marines deployed to Iraq still face hostility and danger on a daily basis as violence increases. The Administration's claim that our role is strictly one of support has not deterred terrorists from targeting our military, Iraqi security forces and civilians.
In the past four days 21 US soldiers have been killed in Afghanistan. Please pray for God's protection over all of those serving in a country covered in darkness and especially for those families who will never see their loved ones again.

Come Join Me!

So writing is my thing. I love it and it's taken a long time to get to a place where I feel like I'm "good enough" to do it professionally.  Freelancing, especially online, has been such an amazing opportunity to expand my horizons and write about what is near and dear to my heart. 

Right now I have the pleasure and honor of writing for Faith Deployed and will be a regular contributor to the new online magazine Wives in Bloom (debuting September 1 and is a part of Christian Military Wives). This is new for me and will take time away from this blog but God is prodding me to do more outside of my safety net, which is all of you who love me and my yammering!  So if you only see a post or two a week here, know that I'm working hard on new endeavors but still want to advocate and write about adoption and our family.

A while back I did a marriage series on this blog and it is being posted at Faith Deployed. You can check it out here and part 2 will follow shortly!
If you are a military spouse or have a loved one serving in the armed forces than both of these online sites are not only encouraging but supportive!

Wordless Weekend

A Repost: Resistence is Futile

As this months marks the three year anniversary of Prim's homecoming, I have been reflecting on all that we have endured. One thing that I love about my husband is that he always manages to make me smile-even when we feel like we are in the depths of despair (to quote Anne Shirley).  
On one particular night in Thailand, shortly after Prim came into our care full time, our little one collapsed from exhuastion on my chest and any attempt to move her was met with angry tears. Thankfully, H took over my writing duties and posted this from our hotel in Bangkok:

I am Prim and I am being oppressed by an international triad. An Asian man whom I believe to be the leader, though I have doubts because the Puerto-Rican looking lady gives him a lot of orders and a little boy, who's pretty easy on the eyes. I am not sure what country they are from because the man and woman speak to each other in English, but the man and the boy speak to each other in French, and the man speaks under his breath about the lady in what I think is Vietnamese. When the little boy watches a show about a girl and her monkey friend, I thought I heard him say something in Spanish...I am soooo confused.
But I digress... I was able to steal a minute alone by making cute faces. Now they are scurrying for their precious cameras to take ransom photos of me. I am typing on this white machine that belongs to the woman which the man doesn't like because it's not a PC but something called a Mac. Today they took me to their embassy to get my legal documents so they could take me to their basecamp. After that, we went to the river and went on a boat ride. Apparently the man chose poorly, because he picked the slowest boat in the canal. I tried to flag down everyone I saw, but they just thought I was being cute and waved back. After what seemed like a eternity, we hit land and stopped at this hole in the wall where they tried to shove food down my throat. I was so excited when we got to the King's Palace because surely he would stop these people from showering me with love, but he wasn't home. Then it started thundering and lightning so we jumped in a taxi and sat in traffic for an hour and a half. The man left the taxi at the embassy and sent us to their hotel, but somehow when we finally got there, he was already there waiting. He must have teleporting abilities like the guy on the television show "Heroes".
They didn't want to risk having me escape like last night so they had food brought to the room. I tried to gross the woman out by dipping my french fries into her ketchup, licking it clean and putting the french fries back into the pile. But again I failed because they just thought I was simply adorable (which I am). Tonight, I'll fall asleep on the woman again, because she has nice built-in pillows, whereas the man is uncomfortable because his chest is like finely chiseled stone and his arms are like twisted steel. I am starting to warm up to him though, because he's pretty nice and he makes me laugh. Tomorrow, they are taking me to this place called Hua Hin. Wish me luck.

This Almost Gave Me a Hernia

วันแม่แห่งชาติ

 

Happy Mother's Day to a girl far away from here.  I am watching our daughter play with her new Barbie right now, deep in concentration as she combs the long blond hair just so.  She is growing into such a big girl, you wouldn't believe how much she resembles you.  Especially those feet. 

Oh those feet! Every time I look at them, tickle them, marvel at their stomping power I think of you.  I remember when we received the first picture of our little girl, I took one look at those long feet that ended in longer toes and I thought to myself surely they are the biggest and ugliest feet on a child I had ever seen.  And sure enough, the shoes that I had so carefully chosen, packed and carried thousands of miles across the ocean did not fit those toddler feet. 

We are blessed to have two pictures of you holding our baby.  She was only a month old, you a child yourself, and what struck me first was your somber face.  What you must have been thinking while you stood there in front of a camera to document the day you let her go.  After looking at your face and trying to discern the expression in your eyes I quickly moved to the bottom of the picture and gasped as I thought, "My gosh! Those feet!!".   I remember that it made me smile.  I love that she will one day look at this picture of you two together and think that she has feet just like yours.  That she shares something so pronounced with her mother.

Our daughter is beautiful.  She had the biggest brown eyes, the sweetest smile and this little athletic body all carried by my favorite part of her.  Her feet.  I pray one day these feet will carry her toward her dream.  I pray that the feet that mirror yours will direct her towards a peace and faith in God and eventually a family of her own.

And maybe one day, those feet will carry her back to you....