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A Post on Regression
It's amazing how life can change in a moment. I should be downstairs, enjoying these last few days of winter vacation with my husband. Instead, I write this from Prim's bed; still disbelieving that we have regressed three years. Last week she watched a movie that scared her and we are now back to the first year of her being home. She can't go into another room by herself and bedtime is a nightmare if one of us doesn't lay down with her. She is whiny, demanding and irrational and H and I are frusrated in return. I have to be honest. I don't get it. On a mature, thoughtful, educated level I understand. I get that abandonment issues do not go away. I know that we will face adoption related emotions for years to come and then some. And I also understand that in my frustration and yes, resentment, that I am making this about me and not her. I don't know where to go from here. I don't know how else to show her that she is safe. I don't know how to not feel angry when I just need to sit with my husband after a long day and enjoy him finally being home. I remember how I used to cringe at the smallest noise, praying that she hadn't woken up after taking hours for her to fall asleep. And now we're back. The worst part is that I don't know how to help my daughter. It's like watching three years of love and patience slip down the drain.
